He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
