i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
