Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
