my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
