When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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