So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
