I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
