it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
