I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
All I want is dick and wine.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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