I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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