Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
its liver damage thursday
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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