I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
