i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
