just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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