"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
