Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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