I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
