Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Are we still banned from the library?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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