I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
