bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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