Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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