Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
