My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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