do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
