Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
