I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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