I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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