i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
