i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
