my mouth tastes like poor choices
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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