Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
