CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
