U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
