Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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