dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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