remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
