Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i think i just lost a toe
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
