I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There's always time for handjobs
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
