Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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