Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She's JV to your varsity
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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