my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
