she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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