call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
