So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
