dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
