Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
