he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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