i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
