I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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