3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
