I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
