Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
