he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
