roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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