I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
