chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
