i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
