I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
