Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
