Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
