i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
