I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
