she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
