I'm going to jail i love you
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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