i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
