My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
