There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
