I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
