Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
