im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
